It came as a shock to me, hearing about the tragic accident that befalls on you. It was a matter of a split second. An hour ago, we were texting each other and it didn't occur to me that things could happened. I really, didn't want to believe the news.
Salleh, even though we only knew each other this new year, i am disturbed and haunted by the fact that you won't be there for me anymore. I still remember the first time we chatted, our shitty conversations and our ridiculous jokes. You were like my pillar back then when i needed support; emotionally and mentally. You got me going with your encouraging words and advices. You gave me the strength and support. Even though we only chatted online, and exchange greetings through F.B, i've always looked forward to chatting with you. You were like my dosage of laughter.
I still remember the first time we met; and that was the first time you picked me up from school. You made silly faces to me and tried to scare me knowing i had fear of speed and lorries whilst you don't. We had silly debates and random chats. You called me gorend pisang and i called you mckenzie boy. You never fail to question me on my life and always gave me advices and opinions. You scolded me in a nice way when i did something wrong; be it to you or others. You showed me a leader in you. A fellow guardian. It took weeks, months for people around me to break me down, but you took less. You've managed to lower down the defense that i've built around me. You filled the hollow in my heart. You make me see that there's not only black and white in my eyes, but many other colours that i've blocked from my view.
Within these period i've known you, i'm filled with joy and colors. I'm filled with live again. I was back to the old me; curious and filled with adrenaline rush. You helped me take a step forward in life.
Now that you're gone, i'm falling down again. My laughter is limited. My smile is rare. Even then, i'm putting up a deceit to show that i'm fine. That i'm still standing strong. Deep inside, i can't even stand up. I'll miss seeing you make those silly faces of yours. I'll miss the random chats we had. I'll miss hearing you calling me goreng pisang. I'll miss not hearing the sound of your bike. I'll miss sitting down with you and have long talks and jokes. I'll miss not having you helping me up when i fall. Most importantly, i'll miss you dearly.
Back then, i was insecure, lost and confused. You make them all go away. Now i'm back to square one. And this time, the sadness in me is doubling up.
You filled the empty space in my life with your existence, and now you're leaving it empty again. I want to feel angry with you, but i can't. I just can't do anything.
You left me memories that will make me smile whenever i think of them, but at the same time sad that i only have the memories to relive. Nevertheless, i cherished those times spent with you. I appreciate those time you were there for me - even how far away. I appreciate those times you gave me laughter and smile. I cherished you, Muhd Salleh.
I won't forget the advices you've given me. And i won't forget the memories i've had with you.
You'll always be remembered.
You'll be missed dearly, Muhd Salleh. Very dearly. :(
May your soul rest in peace.